So, about this demure thing … let’s talk.

Unless you’ve been living under a rock or deep within TikTok’s FYP ('For Your Page'), you’ve probably heard the words “demure,” “cutesy,” and “mindful” popping up everywhere over the past month. While TikTok trends like “brat summer” and “aura points” often fade after their viral moment, this one hits a bit differently.

At first glance, it seems like just another playful social media craze, but there’s so much more behind it. The demure trend – sparked by beauty influencer Jools Lebron, touches on important themes of gender identity, societal expectations, and how trans women, particularly, reclaim femininity on their own terms.

Beyond the humour lies a profound expression of trans joy and empowerment—a rejection of rigid gender norms in favour of self-expression and liberation. This trend isn’t just a fleeting moment in pop culture; it’s an invitation to reflect on how trans women challenge and redefine what it means to be seen and celebrated.

What the hell is demure?

According to the Oxford Dictionary, “demure” means ‘reserved, modest, and shy,’ typically applied to women. Beauty influencer Jools Lebron reinterprets “demure” as “purity,” or at least the illusion of modesty and quietness, as a critique of the often unrealistic standards imposed on marginalised women. Lebron’s satirical take, reflecting on the idea of shrinking oneself to appeal to societal norms, emphasises how the expectation to be reserved is not a luxury afforded to marginalised women. This comedic yet pointed rejection of traditional daintiness highlights the ongoing struggles faced by the marginalised woman who typically needs to advocate for herself – fighting against stereotypes that are used to oppress us. 

The question of whether we are laughing at or with depends on our grasp of the satire’s intent. Lebron uses humour to critique the unrealistic standards imposed on how individuals should present themselves, challenging societal norms around modesty and restraint. When approached with an understanding of this satire, we are laughing with Lebron, recognising her commentary on these pressures. However, if the satire is misunderstood or seen merely as entertainment, there is a risk of laughing at Lebron rather than engaging with the deeper critique she provides.

Hopping on the bandwagon?

It’s safe to say that we've had very much had a “demure summer” with the initial video about “how to be demure at work” garnered over 33 million views since early August: 

We’ve seen the likes of Jennifer Lopez, Khloé Kardashian, and RuPaul showcase their own demure moments, further elevating the trend's widespread appeal. Even the White House joined in, sharing a post of Joe Biden in a demure pose with a caption highlighting student debt relief efforts: 

Brands such as Maybelline have also leveraged the trend for marketing, capitalizing on its viral success: 

Amidst this explosion of attention, it’s also important to remain mindful of how trends like this can sometimes contribute to erasure of creators from marginalised communities and sometimes credit isn’t always given where credit is due. Despite her viral success, Jools is currently in a trademark battle over the expression. Jefferson Batefiled, a man who filed a trademarking application for the phrase in Washington – beat Jools to it, creating a barrier for her to profit on her moment. It’s unclear the motive behind this, but it certainly points to a wider conversation of trans erasure in popular culture.

The history behind the phrase

One thing to make clear is that demure didn’t just appear from the sky. It’s been part of the lexicon of ballroom culture -a space for queer Black and Latino’s to be themselves unapologetically from as early as the mid 19th century. ‘Receiving your 10s’ wasn’t just about trophies or the prizes, it seems as thought it was truly about creating a safe space to counter the erasure they were experiencing in a heteronormative world. Over the years, we’ve seen words and phrases like ‘shade’, ‘tea’ and ‘slay’ infiltrate the mainstream culture and while it may be the slip of the tongue, do we know where these words originate from?  This commentator puts it perfectly: 

While reflecting on the history of the expression is not so ‘demure’, it’s very necessary to understand the nuance behind the phrase as it resonates with the longstanding tradition of performing and negotiating gender presentation and identity. As mainstream trends co-opt this language, it’s crucial to acknowledge and respect the history and significance it holds within these communities. The appropriation of terms like “demure” by those outside these spaces often risks erasing their origins and the struggles associated with them.

Double-edged sword?

Beneath the humour lies a deeper conversation around how society expects trans women to present themselves, especially to “pass” as feminine. Jools Lebron's playful, exaggerated portrayal of being “demure” reflects these pressures, as she presents herself with an over-the-top femininity that mirrors the societal expectations placed on trans women. Her performance taps into the broader tension of how gender is both performed and policed, pushing trans women into constrained versions of womanhood that can feel limiting but are typically necessary for acceptance and safety. This tweet puts it into perspective: 

In 2023 alone, over 320 transgender people were murdered globally,, with most victims reported as trans women of colour, according to the findings of an annual study. This violence is typically fuelled by a combination of transphobia and misogyny, where any deviation from traditional gender norms can provoke hostility. 

In this context, the “demure” trend can be seen as a double-edged sword. On one hand, it gives visibility to trans women who reclaim femininity in powerful and playful ways. On the other hand, it reflects the often dangerous reality that failure to “pass” or conform can lead to discrimination, harassment, or even the loss of a life.

Trans joy

Despite the complexities surrounding the “demure” trend, it has become a source of hope and visibility for many in the trans community. Jools Lebron's TikTok fame not only highlights trans joy and self-expression, but it has also provided her with the financial means to fund her transition. This is a reality that many trans individuals struggle to achieve due to the high cost of gender-affirming care. By playfully reclaiming femininity and the idea of being “demure,” Jools shows that trans people can assert their identity on their own terms, challenging societal pressures while still thriving in the public eye. Her success offers representation and inspiration to those who may feel unseen or marginalised, demonstrating that trans people can find joy, creativity, and agency in their journey, despite the challenges they face. Jools’ journey, marked by both empowerment and the practical support her fame has brought, is a beacon of hope for trans women navigating their own paths.

Let’s keep it mindful

The “demure” trend, born from humour and satire, has evolved into a powerful cultural moment, inviting reflection on the ways in which marginalised communities—especially trans women—navigate societal expectations. While the trend has provided visibility and hope for trans individuals like Jools Lebron, it also highlights the ongoing risks of erasure and appropriation when language and culture from BIPOC and queer spaces are co-opted without acknowledgment.

As this conversation unfolds and the leaves fall for a new season, it's vital that we respect the roots of these trends, advocate for the creators behind them, and ensure that their voices remain at the forefront of the narrative.